For Those of You Who Love to Hate Newberg

This is for those of you who are in high school and “can’t wait to get out.”

This is for those of you who after high school, did “get out.”

Finally, this is for those of you who are still here, or somehow made your way back, albeit begrudgingly.

You love to hate this town, and while I’ve had my moments too, I want to share with you why Newberg is indeed, “A Great Place to Grow.”

Firstly, let’s get the obvious things out of the way- the drive-in is cool, The Allison is decent, we have lots of wine, etc. I’m not going to talk about these because knowing that you’re already not impressed by this little, boring, awful place, it probably won’t help my case.

Here is what’s really cool:

1. THE ABILITY TO CHOOSE BETWEEN A COUNTRY BOY AND A HIPSTER, OR BOTH.

Am I right, ladies? Newberg has any mix of country and city on any given day.  You like the skinnies on that barista? Go for it, girl.  You like needing a stool to get into your man’s truck? You can have that, too.  Like a little bit of both? I’m sure you’ll be able to find your beard sporting, truck driving, H&M wearing prince somewhere here.

2. THE ABILITY TO TAKE A TRIP TO THE BEACH, CITY, OR MOUNTAIN (OR ALL THREE) IN ONE DAY.

Newberg is in the perfect spot for all types of recreation. We are close to the beach, and I can’t imagine having it any other way.  I feel sorry for people who don’t have access to beaches (those poor, landlocked souls).  I don’t personally care much for snow, but Mt. Hood is close, too.  Then of course, if you want some better night life (I admit Newberg is lacking, though Dundee has the always thrilling Lumpy’s), you can go to Portland. You can also head there for Saturday Market, shopping, festivals, concerts, etc. There’s basically no excuse to get out there and do something, cause it’s not really that far.

3. PLENTY OF PRIME MAKE-OUT SPOTS.

Um…let’s be honest. Don’t say you haven’t (or haven’t wished you had). Newberg is chock full of relatively sketchy and more than relatively trashy spots to make out with your significant other.  Or someone. I may or may not know this from experience. Gravel roads. Orchards. Parks (ahem). Bald Peak.  The drive-in. The ever-so-sketchy Roger’s Landing.  And these are only the most common of spots.

4. THE EVER-INSPIRING OLD FASHIONED FESTIVAL.

As someone who as lived in the area of the festival the entire time I’ve lived in Newberg, I know just how amazing this festival is. I mean, all of Newberg’s trashiest and sluttiest show up to one spot– this year parading around in their crop tops, high-waisted shorts and hi-top Converse (sorry if you did that)–what’s not to love? It’s basically the Facebook of Newberg. It’s where people go to scope other people out, to see who has gotten fat, who has a baby, who’s single, etc. And the carnies, though. Love me some carnies. Also love me some Hispanic music that plays for hours and resonates for blocks.

Also at the Old Fashioned Festival, you can stand in line four hours to get an overpriced, sugar and fat filled elephant ear while listening to some poor little kid singing at his first talent show.

But really. You can hate OFF.

Or you can meet up with some friends and watch the fireworks, which really are a treat in a town like ours. Let’s just say it lends to the town’s personality.

5. SO MUCH COFFEE.

So good. Don’t complain about the fact that if you ever need a caffeine fix, you literally can find 10 shops within walking distance.

6. POTENTIAL CELEBRITY RUN-INS.

Some of you can attest to this perk of living in Newberg. Sadly the reason that celebrities are usually in town is because of a chemical dependency problem.  Osbournes? Check. The late, great, Robin Williams? Check. You just never know who you might see at Freddy’s.  I wonder who’s next?! (I guess I better hang out at Fred’s all day, every day like half of the people in this town so I don’t miss it!!) 😉

8. THE NEWBERG PUBLIC LIBRARY

Nerds unite. Have you ever seen other cities’ libraries? Some of them are in old grocery stores. Some of them are miniature. Newberg’s library is classic. Newberg’s library is a Carnegie library. If nothing has convinced you of Newberg’s awesomeness, this point DEFINITELY should (insert sarcasm here).

Well, my last point may not have been my strongest. But you get the gist. Newberg isn’t as bad as you’re making it seem.

To you people who left this TERRIBLE town, I leave you with one last message:

Miranda Sings

Ah…Miranda Sings.

Have you heard of this chick? You probably have if you have a tween or teenaged girl somewhere in your life.

My sister, who is 14, does WONDERFUL Miranda impressions. In fact, we have wasted a lot of time putting on red lipstick haphazardly and acting like Miranda. We have even made videos imitating Miranda.

(Because I’m a cool mom and have too much time on my hands)

It’s gotten to the point that my sister regularly talks like Miranda, and my mom regularly yells at her to stop.

Miranda Sings is this awesome yet ludicrous girl who basically makes AWFUL covers of popular music. The thing is, they are awful on purpose, and she makes big bucks off of her own stupidity. It’s GENIUS.

I love and hate Miranda at the same time.

She can’t put on lipstick and always looks horrible, but those are the moneymakers. If you are up on pop music and want a good laugh, or want a new semi-famous person to make impressions of, definitely check out Miranda Sings on YouTube or her website. I would encourage you to watch the original video from the artist first, then watch Miranda’s crap.

And because I need a laugh myself, I’m including my current favorite Miranda vid:

On Autism & ADHD: A Step-Mom’s Struggles

Let me start by saying that the above picture is not my step-son, who has *supposedly* been diagnosed with ADHD and Autism.

I say supposedly because this situation is very complicated.  My husband and I do not have custody of my step-son and have not seen the medical records or talked to his doctor about this.  We have just been “told” by my step-son’s mother that Ethan* is severely ADHD and falls somewhere on the Autistic spectrum.

This, and anything involving my step-kids and their mother is a very touchy subject for me for several reasons:

•  I literally did not know that crazy people were real until I met their mother
• Their mother has a history of neglecting her children in several ways
• Their mother has a history of lying and stealing, among other things
• In college I studied Elementary Education, including learning about child development, disorders, abnormalities in learning, etc.
• I suspected ADHD and a speech delay in my step-son when I met him at a little less than 2 years old.  I suggested that he be evaluated, and now, at 5 years old, he has finally been evaluated for the first time, so we are told.
• Without custody, we have been offered no role in the medical decisions regarding the kids. It has been made very, very clear that we are not welcome to make suggestions or show our concerns.
• Lastly, and most importantly, during the first few years I knew my step-kids, I put so much effort into their academic success and felt called to help give them a better chance at success.  I have become very discouraged over time as I see things happening that I would never want for my own child.

I am no expert on either of the two disorders, but I feel as though I am better equipped than many people, as I studied both of these things at length, both in college and own my own.  I also learned about how to work with kids like this academically as I prepared to become a teacher.

I never did become a teacher, and I was wrong about my ability to interact with a kid with ADHD and/or Autism.

I personally think that Ethan does have severe ADHD, but if he has Autism, he must be low on the spectrum.

The most heartbreaking thing to me is that I thought I knew what to do with him.

Here are some of his most common behaviors:

• He screams at the most inappropriate times
• He is always loud.
• At five years old, he does not wipe, flush, or wash his hands. The sound of the toilet flushing and the water bothers him.
• He doesn’t have an appropriate fear instinct. In other words, he doesn’t foresee danger the way most people would.  He sees big rocks and a crashing river and sees nothing but something cool to explore.
• He doesn’t remember what was said or asked of him 3 seconds ago. Instructions are repeated 5 or more times before they are heard, and by then our voices are raised and he feels like he’s in trouble.
• He doesn’t learn from mistakes easily.  I’ll use the river example again because this has actually happened. He slips on a rock and gets hurt, then gets up and repeats the same behavior that got him hurt.
• He has severe speech problems. At his age he should be speaking in clear, full sentences, and I could probably count the ones he says on my fingers.  He can’t pronounce “f” sounds and “s” sounds.
• He is a danger to others as he has complete (though unintentional, I think) disregard for what might hurt others.
• When you give him a direction or are speaking to him about something he doesn’t like, he stares at you silently and there is no reasoning with him. This usually happens about the silliest things, like his refusal to flush the toilet.
• He is cruel to animals.

I could go on about his behavior. Of course I’ve dealt with “difficult” kids in my experiences working and preparing to become a teacher. But for some reason, I just can’t reach this kid with the same confidence I might have if he weren’t my family.

I feel so discouraged by the fact that I feel like I’m his only advocate, and I only see him 1-3 days of the week, depending on the week.

His mother and his primary caregivers are either completely ignorant or do not care about his success and his needs, or so I feel.  However, I feel bad in that I am sometimes guilty of the same things they are at times, including:

• Letting him watch TV because if he’s not then he’s wreaking havoc
• Giving him way too much sugar because he has been spoiled into thinking he can have whatever he wants, whenever
• Not reading to him enough (I don’t think they do this, EVER)
• Not helping him find other fun things to do that can be learned from
• Not researching how to help him or finding him help
• Being overall complacent about this whole situation

From my perspective as a step-mom, an outsider almost, I can only really help him when he’s with me.  But then I’ve got my own kid. I’ve tried to eliminate TV at our house and I encourage him to each much healthier than he does at the other homes.  Ethan is on an IEP in a specialized program, but even the teachers struggle in dealing with him. If they can’t do it, how can I? His teachers admitted that when they can’t handle him, they make him push a heavy box around the perimeter of the classroom. I feel ultimate guilt in feeling like I’ve given up on him.  I feel like I’m his only advocate and at best I’m half-assing it.  What can I do? The stress, the guilt, is it my burden?

Ethan has been in a specialized class since preschool, but has repeated preschool and is expected to be held back again.  He will always be the oldest and biggest in all of his classes now because of this.  He came home from school one day saying he never wanted to go back because someone called him stupid.  Someone in the special education class called him STUPID.  I fear he truly believes that he is stupid.

What do I do?

On a lighter note, Ethan is funny, creative, loves the outdoors, and enjoys learning. If you met him briefly you would just think that he is a hyper kid with maybe a little trouble with speech.

I want to encourage other parents dealing with this, because despite the controversy, I believe it is a real thing.

I thought I’d share the story of my difficulties as a step-mom and with an ADHD and possibly Autistic kid.  If you have a similar story, please share it.

*Pseudonym

How To Change A Diaper

Step 1: Analyze baby’s current emotional state

Here is an example of my daughter’s apparent feelings towards getting changed:

Step 2: Choose to proceed with caution or decide to allow your baby to soak in his or her messy diaper, which may eventually result in an explosion.  Choose your battles carefully, this choice can get poopy.

Step 3: Prepare diaper, wipes, changing pad, etc.

Step 4: Wrangle baby.

Step 5: No seriously, wrangle the baby because it may turn out like this:

*if your baby is as stubborn and cantankerous as mine, straps and a distraction while changing are recommended.

Step 6: Make every effort not to get frustrated with baby while changing because it only makes it worse. Feel free to laugh at said baby when their bare, poopy butt is crawling around on your bed, leaving a mess EVERYWHERE (if it helps).

Step 7: Clean those cheeks and stick on those diaper tabs as quickly as you can muster.

Step 8: Kiss the other set of cheeks because you love your baby, and he or she will only be a baby for so long. 🙂

P.S. Sorry if you actually wanted advice on how to change a diaper.

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Mom Problems #2

Can you tell me what’s wrong with this picture? (other than the uncovered avocado and fake butter?)

Umm…yeah.

I’ve been struggling with falling asleep at night, which is so annoying because I’m trying to do the whole “sleep when your baby sleeps” thing.  I’ve mostly found that this doesn’t work, so after weaning recently, I turned to my old friend Melatonin.  I think it works for me most days.

Anyway, I was so tired last night but still couldn’t fall asleep, so I went to take a pill.

This morning when I opened the fridge, the bottle was in there. (This is slightly less stinky than the time when I put a gallon of milk away in the cabinets…)

I should have just gone back to bed.

This momma needs sleep. 🙂

I’m PERFECT.

That’s a joke, people.

By now you may have noticed that my blog is brand, spankin’ new. Also, I am just learning how to blog in between taking care of my 7-month old, keeping up a house, and finishing the last few classes of my degree.

I am an amateur at best, and that’s okay with me.

Typos? CHECK.

Weird Formatting? CHECK.

Navigation Problems? CHECK.

I’m working on it.

So take it easy on me, share if you’d like.  Tips are welcome, ripping my blog-writing-heart out with criticism is not.  🙂

Why Being A SAHM Sucks

Stop right there.

You aren’t going to be one of those people, right?

The people that say “what do you do all day?” to stay-at-home moms.

Or the people that say, “you have it so easy.”

If you’re one of those people, I want to say a big F*** YOU!

Yes, being a SAHM is a privilege. It’s a blessing. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Or would I? As much as I love being with my daughter, it’s not all that glamorous. I mean my daughter can’t even talk yet, so I literally feel like I am talking to myself all day.  Crying and the occasional laugh are the responses I usually get.  It feels like I have no one to talk to, and I have limited adult interaction.

Also, I’m a young mom. I literally lost all of my friends because they are all bitches.

I mean, they don’t have their own kids and they are still in the partying phase, so that means I pretty much get left out of everything. And when my “friends” do invite me to something, I feel like its because they know I can’t and didn’t want a boring mom around anyway.

And then there’s all the cleaning. Diaper changes. Spit-up.  Laundry. Dishes. Why would I want to spend all day every day doing this?

One of the hardest parts is discipline. If you went from being a busy student or career woman like I did to suddenly being at home all day, everyday, with minimal chances for a hot shower or good night’s sleep, you’d understand. I’m tempted to sit around all day. Just looking at my house depresses me. I JUST WANT SLEEP AND JACK DANIEL’S.

On top of that, for a person with a history of depression, being alone constantly is hard. Post Pardum Depression and the Baby Blues are a real thing.  I’ve talked about this a little in another post, but I haven’t actually been diagnosed this time around. That’s because I refuse to see the doctor again.

I am focusing on physical activity to keep me from spiraling down, and thinking about how my daughter needs my help.  I often look to Strong Inside Out for help. If you’re interested in a healthy way to combat depression and anxiety, I strongly recommend it. I’ll post a video about it at the bottom of this post.

Anyway, being a SAHM is harder than I’d ever imagined. I sometimes wrestle with the idea of going back to work earlier than planned, and I am immediately guilted by a smile from my daughter.  I know how important it is to her learning and stability that I am here as long as possible.

I just want to be real about this and let other moms know that its okay to love and hate being a SAHM all at the same time. Also, feel free to silently (or not) cuss out anyone who says its easy.

At the end of the day, I know the answer to my previous question, “why would I want to spend all day doing this?” Here is my answer, summed up in one photo:

🙂

And as promised:

The Voice: Taylor John Williams

In recent years I have been an avid viewer of The Voice, but this year the ONLY person of interest is the Portland kid, Taylor John Williams.

Admittedly, I am also an Oregonian, so I could be considered biased.

But have you seen him? Have you heard him? This guy is awesome. Creative, dark, nerdy, witty, smart, and a great performer.

This kid gives me hope for music. Hope that it hasn’t gone to crap and that talent still exists.  As a lover of all things music, I hope to hear more from John Taylor Williams.

Check him out if you haven’t already.

 

Am I An Idiot?

We’ve all heard the latest Hozier song “Take Me To Church.”

(If you haven’t you need to get up on the times, mon.)

Anyway, am I wrong by understanding the song as a dude that worships a woman? I had to look up the lyrics because when I listen to the song I get confused as to whether he is talking about a woman or God.

After reading them I am pretty darn sure he is CRAY-CRAY about this woman.  Worshipping her. But then he says “Good God let me give you my life.”

Any insights?

Should I be offended that he is idolizing a woman? Or should I be mad that he is sex-crazed? Or should I go be glad that he is praising a woman?

Or maybe I should just shut up and enjoy the catchiness of the song.